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New jokes

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!

MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Months
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.

Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.