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New jokes

School
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"

Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

Skeleton order
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!

Cheap hotels
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.

Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

50 cent
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.

Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison