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New jokes

Microwave oven
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.

Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.

How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."

Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.

Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

Witches
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.