Remove the plushy animals by connection 3 or more of the same.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
A SCOT'S TALE
One misty Scottish morning a man is driving through the hills to Inverness. Suddenly out of the mist, a massive red-haired highlander steps into the middle of the road. The man is at least six feet four, has a huge red beard and, despite the wind, mist, and near freezing temperatures, is wearing only his kilt, a tweed shirt and a tam-o''-shanter at a rakish angle. At the roadside there also stands a young woman. She is absolutely beautiful -- slim, shapely, fair complexion, golden hair... heart stopping. The driver stops and stares, and his attention is only distracted from the lovely girl when the red thing opens the car door and drags him from his seat onto the road with a fist resembling a whole raw ham. ''''Right, you Jimmy,'''' he shouts, ''''Ah want you to masturbate!'''' ''''But......'''' stammers the driver. ''''Du it now - or I''ll bluddy kill yu!'''' So the driver turns his back on the girl, drops his trousers and starts to masturbate. Thinking of the girl on the roadside, this doesn''t take him long. ''''Right!'''' snarls the Highlander ''''Du it agin, now!'''' So the driver does it again. ''''Right laddie, du it agin!'''' demands the Highlander. This goes on for nearly two hours. The hapless driver gets cramps in both arms, he has rubbed himself raw, is violently aching, his sight is failing and despite the cold wind, he has collapsed in a sweating, jibbering heap on the ground, unable to stand. ''''Du it again!'''' says the Highlander. ''''I can''t do it any more - you''ll just have to kill me!'''' whimpers the man. The Highlander looks down at the pathetic soul slumped on the roadside and says, ''''All right laddie. NOW, can you give ma daughter a lift to Inverness?''''
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Reporter vs man
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Guys on the roof
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.