Homer Simpson is crying
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.