Crying Bart Simpson
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."