Sad man having shower
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.