I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Tears in eyes
My friend told me he gets tears in his eyes whenever his partner makes tender love to him. At first I thought he was an overemotional sissy, then I remembered: He's still in prison
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."