What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.