Dog is reading book
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.