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New jokes

Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.

Get married
On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple is involved in a fatal car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they began to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter showed up, they asked him. St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,'" and he left. The couple sat and waited, and waited. Two months passed and the couple were still waiting. While waiting, they began to wonder what would happen if it didn't work out; could you get a divorce in heaven? After yet another month, St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven." "Great!" said the couple, "But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple. "OH, COME ON!," St. Peter shouted, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?"

Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.

Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.

Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99

Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Pregnant woman
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!