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New jokes

Beans
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

Turkey
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.

Google
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!

Christmas gift
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."