Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.