Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Guys on the roof
On the roof of a very tall building are four men; one is asian, one is mexican, one is black, and the last one is white. The asian walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and jumps off the roof. Next, the mexican walks to the ledge and also says, "This is for all my people" and then he jumps off the roof. Next is the black guy's turn. The black guy walks to the ledge and says, "This is for all my people" and then throws the white guy off the roof.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.