Potato says hi
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.