Cool man with balls
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!