Mouse is playing
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!