What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!