Oh no you didn´t
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'