Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!