Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."