Cat stands up and dance
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.