Strange talking cats
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."