Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.