Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Mother: "How was school today, Patrick?" Patrick: "It was really great mum! Today we made explosives!" Mother: "Ooh, they do very fancy stuff with you these days. And what will you do at school tomorrow?" Patrick: "What school?"
Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!