Homer stomach is vibrating
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.