Dangerous marge simpson
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.