THINKING HOMER

Thinking homer

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New jokes

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Months
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.

Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.

Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Private investigator
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."

Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!

Chinese girl
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."