THE SIMPSONS FAMILY

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The simpsons family

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New jokes

MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.

Kids conversation
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Mexican sport
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.

Adele
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"

Santas sack
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.