Smoking and playing
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.