Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."