Kitty cat sleeping in basket
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Pregnant woman
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Turkey
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Cheap hotels
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.”
The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.”
Man: “And that frees me from my sin?”
Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”
The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Tampons
"Mom, where do tampons go?"
"Where the babies come from, darling."
"In the stork?"
Mummy´s music
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!