Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."