Where do babies come from
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in. “Mother, where do babies come from?” The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, “Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and have sex.” The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, “That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommy’s vagina. That’s how you get a baby, honey.” The child seems to comprehend. “Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddy’s penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?” “Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.”
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.