Magician elsa
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Pregnant woman
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Chinese girl
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.
Google
Q: Is Google male or female?
A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Helium
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Harry Potter
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.