Cat is playing with light
#cat #cute #cats #animal #white #cute cat #play #playing #funny #funny cat #fun #walk #walking #animals #feature #color #activities #sports
Pregnant woman
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: Envelope.
Momma
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Months
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Skeleton
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.