I AM SO ROMANTIC

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I am so romantic

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New jokes

Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.

DonĀ“t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

Birthday
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.

Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Athletes
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!

Envelope
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? A: Envelope.

Boss and employee
Boss: Do you believe in life after death? Employee: No, because there is no proof of it. Boss: Well there is now ! Employee: How? Boss: When you left yesterday saying that you have to go to your uncle's funeral, your uncle came here looking for you after you left