Nemo is watching
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!