Cat is lying with dog
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
What is a Mexican's favorite sport? Cross-country.
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.