White cat with glasses
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Why did I get divorced? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my colleagues didn't wish me a happy birthday. As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" I felt so special. She asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" "Okay," I said. She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, & my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.