Cat with pail on the head
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
A BLONDE & HER THERMOS
A blonde notices that her coworker has a thermos, so she asks him what it's for. He responds, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." The blonde immediately buys one for herself. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it. Her coworker asks, "What do you have in it?" She replies, "Soup and ice cream."
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.