Cat and dog do the massages
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
What is the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman? Snowballs.
Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'