HYPNOTIZED CAT

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Hypnotized cat is looking up

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New jokes

Beans
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

Turkey
Why isn't the turkey hungry at Thanksgiving? Because he's already stuffed!

Woman in the mirror
A woman looks in the mirror and says I look fat and then asks her husband to give her a compliment he says ok you have perfect eye sight.

Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.

DonĀ“t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.

Trick-or-treating
A little kid was out trick-or-treating on Halloween dressed as a pirate. He rang a house's doorbell and the door was opened by a lady. "Oh, how cute! A little pirate! And where are your buccaneers?" she asked. The boy replied, "Under my buckin' hat."

Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.

Claustrophobic
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.