Hypnotized cat is looking up
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Q: Why did the skeleton cross the road? A: To get to the body shop.
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.