HYPNOTIZED CAT

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Hypnotized cat is looking up

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New jokes

Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.

Kangaroo
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.

Stupid momma
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.

Reporter vs man
Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Momma
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"

Snowman and vampire
What do get if you cross a Snowman with a Vampire? Frostbite.

Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

Witches
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.