Cat trying to get into the box
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
A little kids sends a letter to Santa that says: "Dear Santa I want a brother for Christmas." Santa writes back, "Dear Timmy send me me your mommy."
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Yo momma's so stupid, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Q: Is Google male or female? A: Female, because it doesn't let you finish a sentence before making a suggestion.