Cat wants to be scrapered
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.
How were people born
A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family."
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Yo momma is so stupid when an intruder broke into her house, she ran downstairs, dialed 9-1-1 on the microwave, and couldn't find the "CALL" button.
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.