Cat on the grass
Value of pi
Teacher: What is the value of Pi? Student: Depending on what pie. Usually is $12.99
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Pee in the shower
Q: Who cares if you pee in the shower? A: The bride and all her guests, apparently.
Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."
Don´t be racist
Don't be racist; racism is a crime; and crime is for black people.
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
Ghosts as cheerleaders
Q: Why are ghosts such good cheerleaders? A: Because they have a lot of spirit!