Pouring out the coffee
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!
A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator. The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. This was the Chinese PI's report about what he found: "Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree. I look in window. He kiss she. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she. She play with he. I play with me. I fall out tree. I not see. No fee. Cheng Lee."
If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? Missletoe!
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Q: Why is Santa Claus' sack so big? A: He only comes once a year.
Can a kangaroo jump higher than a house? Of course, a house doesn’t jump at all.
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven!" Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!" Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"