SANTA CLAUS CAT

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Santa claus cat is walking

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New jokes

Christmas
How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.

Cheap hotels
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.

Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.

Witches
Q: Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game? A: Their bats flew away.

Unhappy day
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for a half hour. Then a big trouble making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, & just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry." "No, it's not that," the man replies, wiping his tears, "This day is the worst of my life. First, I oversleep & I go in late to my office. My outraged boss fires me. When I leave the building to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to go home, & when I get out, I remember I left my wallet. The cab driver just drives away. I go inside my house where I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave my home, come to this bar, & just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up & drink my poison."

Fat momma
Your momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."

Hamburgers
Q: Why do hamburgers go to the gym A: To get better buns!

Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.