How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I just read a book about Helium. It was so good that I can't put it down.
Q: What is a mummy's favorite type of music? A: Wrap!
Q: What do cheap hotels and designer jeans have in common? A: No ballroom.
Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, "Hello from the other side!"
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.
Cath the train
A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.” The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one."