Man and wife celebrate with champagne
"Mom, where do tampons go?" "Where the babies come from, darling." "In the stork?"
A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman. Boy: Why do you look so fat? Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me. Boy: Is it a good baby? Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby. Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
Ghosts as liars
Q: Why are ghosts bad liars? A: You can see right through them.
Man vs priest
Man to his priest: “Yesterday I sinned with an 18 year old girl.” The priest: “Squeeze 18 lemons and drink the juice all at once.” Man: “And that frees me from my sin?” Priest: “No, but it frees your face from that dirty grin.
Teacher and students
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"
Q: Can February march? A: No, but April may.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Your momma is so stupid when I told her Christmas is right around the corner she went looking for it.