Man with water falls down on carpet
Elves in school
Q: What do elves learn in school? Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elfabet.
I'm so in love with my boyfriend right now. Everything is perfect, but we want totally different things in bed. Like, he's always turning the lights on, you know what I'm saying? And I shut them off, and he turns them on, and the other day, he's like, 'Amy, why are you so shy? You know, you have a beautiful body.' I was like, 'Oh my god, you're so cute. You think I don't want you to see me?'
MY WIFE AND I ARE REALLY IN SYNC
If my wife has too much to drink at a party, starts yapping a little too much, I don't have to say anything... three little leg squeezes, she knows that means 'Put a sock in it, drunkie, time for you to wrap it up.' Somebody didn't have dinner like I suggested, now you're spouting off at the mouth divulging all the family secrets. You need to pipe down or we've got to f**king leave.
Tiger Woods vs Santa
Q: What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? A: Santa stops after three hos.
Q: How does Albus get into Hogwarts? A: Through the Dumble-door.
Your momma is so short, when she went to meet Santa he said, "Go back to work!"
Why is Santa Claus so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Q: What does a skeleton order at a restaurant? A: Spare ribs!